How Cognitive Reframing Can Help You Think More Positively
Gain clarity by challenging your negative thought patterns
Cognitive reframing, otherwise known as cognitive restructuring, is a psychological technique that is used to interrupt negative or unrealistic thought patterns. When used consistently, this simple technique can help you create a more positive mindset and help fight the negative thought patterns that get in the way of a happy and mentally healthy life.
I became acquainted with this technique in 2012, just after my ex-husband and I separated. Going through the separation had left me in the most negative mental state I’d ever experienced. Every thought I had seemed to tell me that I wasn’t good enough, that I had failed, and that I would never make it through the situation I was in. Part of me knew these thoughts weren’t true, but it was as if I was being held hostage by my own mind, unable to break free of the negative frame I had put around the situation.
Negative Though Patterns
Most of us have experienced a similar occurrence on some level. Whether it was a life-changing event, such as divorce, loss of a job, or the betrayal of a loved one, or a smaller disappointment, such as feeling left out of a friend group or being ignored in a conversation, we all deal with situations which trigger our negative emotions. Once triggered, we often cannot see past our own past experiences and cognitive distortions. Our mind goes into unhealthy thinking patterns and we get stuck. We think thoughts like this always happens to me, none of my friends like me, I’m not good enough to keep a job, they never loved me, or nobody is interested in what I have to say.
For many of us, breaking this cycle of negativity is quite difficult. If we’ve experienced abusive relationships, lack self-esteem, or suffered trauma that shattered our sense of self, changing these negative thoughts can be especially hard to accomplish. The thoughts feel so real that questioning them can be uncomfortable and confusing; however, doing so is necessary to break out of the negative thought cycle and create a new, positive, and less biased headspace.
What is Cognitive Reframing?
One effective way to do this is to use cognitive reframing. The technique was developed in the 1960s by psychiatrist Aaron Beck, who worked closely with patients suffering from depression and anxiety. According to the Wiley Handbook of Cognitive Behaviors Therapy, cognitive restructuring is “a therapeutic approach in which distressed individuals are taught how to identify, evaluate, and modify the faulty thoughts, evaluations, and beliefs that are considered responsible for their psychological disturbance”. In other words, a person works to recognize their recurring negative thoughts, look at the ‘proof’ for and against those thoughts, and restates the thoughts more realistically. Traditionally, this is done in a structured setting with a counselor or therapist, however, the technique can easily be used in a non-therapeutic setting.
How to Start Reframing
The first step in cognitive reframing is to recognize when your negative thoughts begin to spiral into destructive territory. Feeling disappointed or having a momentary negative reaction isn’t something to worry about, but if you start to feel trapped by negativity or confused as to why you feel such strong negative emotions, and are unable to break out of anxiety and worry about a situation, you may want to start the restructuring process.
Once you’ve identified that your negative thoughts are leading you down a destructive path, you want to take a moment and pause your thoughts. This may feel strange at first. You may feel like you are fighting with yourself or have a hard time stopping your train of thought, but by recognizing when you are spiraling, you will become better at knowing when to tell yourself to put a hold on your thoughts. During this step, simply interrupt yourself and say these thoughts are out of control and I’m going to reframe them. Then move onto the next part of the process.
You can’t just stop having thoughts, so the next step to cognitive reframing is to work through those negative thoughts and emotions. It helps to do this on paper the first few times, but it can easily be done in your head as you become more comfortable. You’ll want to write down, word for word, the recurring negative thoughts you’re having. Writing them down will allow you to challenge them head-on. Along with these thoughts, you’ll want to write down the accompanying feelings you have when you think of them. Are you anxious, sad, angry, resentful, sorrowful, or worried? Identifying your underlying feelings will help you recognize how these thoughts affect you.
Next, you’ll want to look closely at your thoughts and identify any cognitive distortions that you’re engaging in. Cognitive distortions are unhealthy ways of thinking that distort our reality of a situation. They are extremely common and most of us use them several times a day without being conscious of it. Over time we develop biased ways of seeing the world, such as an all-or-nothing mentality, jumping to conclusions, or thinking we know what another person is thinking. These distortions lead us to misunderstand situations and people. These are most often what lead us to negative thought patterns. To fight these distortions, we need to undistort our thoughts with cognitive reframing. By taking the time to identify which cognitive distortions we use, we can better understand how to reframe a situation.
The last step in cognitive reframing is the most difficult because it requires us to challenge our own deeply held beliefs. It almost feels like we are lying to ourselves, but in reality, we are helping our mind move from a negatively biased thought to a more neutral, realistic one.
Once you’ve written down your negative thoughts and emotions and identified the cognitive distortions you’re using, you will write down an alternative response. If you know your cognitive distortion is jumping to conclusions, you’ll want to write down a reframed response that does leaves conclusions open. If your distortion is always-or-never thinking, you’ll want to write an alternative thought that lessens the severity of this distortion. At first, it will seem that these new responses are ‘fake’, but that’s because you don’t feel them the same way as your negative thoughts. There are no emotions tied to a neutral, realistic outcome; however, there is freedom and positivity in disengaging from negative emotions caused by distorted thinking.
Cognitive Reframing in Action
Now that you know the process, let’s look at a real-life example of how it works.
Tom works for a large company. He’s been in the same position for five years and is well respected among his boss and co-workers. During one recent meeting, Tom put forth an idea for one of his team’s projects. He was excited about this idea and thought that it would be received with enthusiasm and appreciation. Unfortunately, his boss didn’t seem to be impressed with the idea and it was ultimately rejected. Tom was quite hurt by this and began to feel resentful towards his team. He has isolated himself and each time another meeting comes around he gets anxious and angry. He stays silent and disengaged during the meetings, and afterward, he tells himself that nobody appreciates his work, his ideas aren’t good enough, and that his bosses and co-workers think he is stupid.
Tom is stuck in a cycle of negativity triggered by the rejection of his idea. His thoughts are influencing his behavior at work and may result in loss of productivity, work relationships, and possibly lead to corrective action if he cannot be an effective part of the team. To turn this situation around, Tom begins the cognitive restructuring process. First, he recognizes that his thoughts are becoming destructive and that they may need to be addressed. He tells himself to hold on and grabs a piece of paper. He writes down his negative thoughts and the feelings that accompany them.
I just know my boss thinks I’m stupid, that’s why he rejected my idea. (worthless, rejected)
Nobody here appreciates my work, I don’t even know why I bother. (unwanted, pointless)
None of my ideas are good enough, I should just keep my mouth shut from here on out. (resentful, angry, not good enough)
Then, Tom looks up cognitive distortions and identifies which ones he is using in his thoughts. He sees that he is engaging in mind-reading (thinking he knows exactly what his boss’s thoughts are) and all-or-nothing thinking (nobody and none=nothing). He sits with this realization for a little while and thinks about how these distortions are causing him to see his situation in a negatively biased way.
After considering several alternatives, or reframed statements, he can tell himself, Tom writes down the following: My boss might think I’m stupid, but his actions as a whole don’t support that conclusion. It is more likely that my idea just didn’t resonate with him at that time. People here do appreciate my work. Two weeks ago my co-worker told me how inspired she was by my project! Many of my ideas are good enough, maybe that one just wasn’t the right fit. Not bothering means not trying and that won’t help me feel better. I should keep trying to share ideas, even if they aren’t ultimately used. Tom has to repeat these to himself each time a negative thought resurfaces, but in the end, he can let go of his anger and resentment and become engaged with his team again.
Practice Makes Perfect
Cognitive reframing is a technique that requires practice and consistency. The process itself can take upwards of 30 minutes, depending on how comfortable you are with the method and the complexity of the situation that is causing you stress. Going through each thought, identifying cognitive distortions, and writing down reframed statements takes time, but the more you do it the easier and more natural it will feel. Just as Tom did, you’ll also have to be ready to repeat these reframed statements over and over, replacing your old negative thoughts. You’ll have to train your brain to believe the true, more neutral statements, over the emotionally triggering negative thoughts. Eventually though, with consistency, you’ll be able to stop negative thoughts and reframe almost automatically, before they drive your behavior and make you miserable.
One thing to keep in mind is that cognitive reframing isn’t just “positive thinking” or “fake it till you make it” advice. Although cognitive restructuring leads to a more positive mindset, it doesn’t encourage covering up negative thoughts with unfounded or unrealistic positive ones. This would be like covering up a wound with a bandaid without cleaning it first. Instead, this technique encourages you to examine your specific negative thoughts and challenge them from the inside out. With cognitive reframing, you get to know your thought patterns, your triggers, your go-to emotions, and the distortions you commonly use. Then, you are encouraged to make realistic statements that leave you feeling less emotional and give you a more realistic sense of the situation. By feeling more in control and with the ability to act based on your reframed thoughts, you will experience more peace, mental clarity, and a more positive mindset overall.
Cognitive Restructuring. Part One. General Strategies. David A. Clark. First published:20 September 2013. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/9781118528563.wbcbt02 on 2/11/2020.
15 Common Cognitive Distortions. By John M. Grohol, Psy. D. 24 Jun 2019. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/ on 2/11/2020.
